The Onion (1)

SHT:

Funny Onion articles related to recent postings.

1) Evangelical Scientists Discover Calculation Error: Earth Only 60 Years Old

2) Activist Wet-T-Shirt Judge Votes For Girlfriend

COLUMBIA, SC: Andrew Scully, 26, a bartender and wet-T-shirt-contest judge at local nightclub Deep Waters, has been accused of personal bias and "legislating from the barstool" after ruling in favor of his girlfriend, Heather Swain, in Friday's "Waters' Melons!!!" wet-T-shirt contest. "Inevitably, my own perceptions will guide my interpretation of event guidelines--if that weren't a part of our system, we could just replace the judges with a tape measure" said Scully responding to bar patrons who said that they believed that several contestants had breasts both larger and better-displayed than Swain's. "I like to think of a wet-T-shirt contestant not as a rigid set of body-type rules, but as a living, breathing object." [My favorite part...for you Fern] Conservative leaders of the Federalist Wet-T-Shirt Contest Society are calling for Scully's resignation.