Pirate Jokes

1Have you heard about the new pirate movie? It?s rated AARRRRGGH!2What's a pirate's favorite mode of transportation?A cAARRRRGGH!3what's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?arrrr4what's a pirate's favorite kind of socks?arrrrgyle5what is a pirates favorite study subject?arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt.6what's a pirate's second-choice job?an arrrrrrchitect!7This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?" And the pirate says... Aaargh, it's driving me nuts!!8a little kid with a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate and goes trick or treating. he knocks on the door of a house and a man answers. "oh, i can see you're dressed up as a pirate." the man says. "but where are your buccaneers?" the kid gets really mad, and says "on the sides of my buckin' head!"9how much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?a buccaneer10what's a pirate's favorite kind of cookie?ships ahoy11what do you call a pirate that skips class?captain hooky!12A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!""What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before.""Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really.""Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands.""Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really.""Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes.""Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye.""So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!""Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."13why does a pirate's phone go beep beep beep beep beep?because he left it off the hook!14what does a pirate say when he takes over santa's job?ho ho ho and a bottle of rum 15What does a vegan pirate do in jail?Starrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve!16What has 8 arms and 8 legs?8 Pirates!

8 comments:

Marilyn or Rick said...

This is for Ryan. (See "Edited)
m

Roberta said...

Verrrrrrry funny!

Ryan Ruby said...

Thanks Marilyn. I'll be sure to pass this on.

Anonymous said...

thanks marilyn for looking out for ryan.

Fern @ Life on the Balcony said...

Press the Shift/Enter key once is awhile!!! :-)

Marilyn or Rick said...

I copied it just like that, but I didn't know shift/enter. I use ./enter all the time at work when entering journal entries. Got more?

Fern @ Life on the Balcony said...

I meant return/enter, sorry. I couldn't remember if only Macs had return keys or if there are some PC keyboards with them as well. It's just hard for me to read something that is all one paragraph. Sorry for the confusion. :-)

Richard said...

I always wanted to be a pirate. But these jokes arrrrgh making me crazy!